


Monster

by Niori



Series: Beautiful Verse [5]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Community: norsekink, Gen, Racism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-14
Updated: 2013-05-14
Packaged: 2017-12-11 21:22:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/803397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niori/pseuds/Niori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki is one of the parents who told their children stories about Frost Giant monsters. He told his own children tales of Frost Giants, in order to assure them that they weren't the real monsters...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monster

**Author's Note:**

> Same drill as always- some universe as my other fills. I'll warn again here- there is racism (both internal and external) going on in this fill.

Monster

Fenrir had never been one to cry. Even as young as he was -he had just finished losing the last of his baby teeth-, Fenrir reacted to his emotions in other ways. Fenrir got angry, so Loki had rarely seen him cry. Given the body he was in, Loki was surprised he could cry at all. That was why, when he entered his room and found his son in such a state, Loki was shocked and even more horrified. Fenrir was weeping, a mess of tears and sobs.

Loki was at his side in an instant, kneeling next to him and wrapping his arms around him. He didn't know what was wrong, only that his baby was hurt and needed him.

"What's wrong!" he demanded, pulling him as close as he could. 

That only made Fenrir's wail echo through his mind. Fenrir's body was shaking, hunched in on itself in misery. He continued to cry, and Loki knew he'd get nothing until his son calmed. 

"Shhh," he whispered, rubbing Fenrir's back in soothing circles. He continued to whisper soothing, nonsense words into the scruff of Fenrir's neck. Fenrir continued to cry for a long time, but eventually his sobs lessened and became sniffs and whimpers. Only then did Loki lean back so he could tip his son's head up to look at his face. He made sure to keep a hand on the back of his neck, and continued to rub the spot comfortingly. 

"Fenrir," he spoke slowly, keeping his voice low, "what happened?"

Fenrir's eyes got big again, and his jaw quivered. Loki feared another fit of crying, but Fenrir just sniffed once and spoke in a shaking voice, "I...I just wanted to play..." Fenrir broke off, sniffing again. Loki waited him out, "they said yes. They wanted to play with me too..." Loki assumed Fenrir meant the other children roughly his age that lived within the confines of the palace, "we were trying to catch each other. I was it...and I caught Dagna. I didn't hurt her, I swear! I just hit her with my paw! I didn't bite or scratch...she didn't even fall down! But...but then there was screaming. Her mother ran out...she yelled at me. She told me to get away from her daughter. She called me a monster!"

For a moment, all Loki saw was white hot, burning rage. He saw red, and a thousand differed punishments for this woman ran through his mind. There had always been whispers of the word monster, but no one had dared say them out loud within their hearing. No one had ever been so blatant with their vitriol, not until this woman. Had she said it to Loki, he would have made her life Hel, but to say it to his child? His little wolf pup? He was going to destroy this woman.

"Am...am I?" Fenrir's whimper pulled Loki out of his rage. He looked back at his son, who now looked lost and terrified, "Am I a monster?"

That his son even had to ask this question, broke Loki's heart. His grip on Fenrir tightened, because all he wanted to do was hug him until he no longer hurt. He wanted to chase the doubts out of Fenrir's eyes, to erase the pain this ignorant woman had caused. 

"Of course not!" Loki was angry, but didn't let Fenrir see it, least he take it the wrong way, "You're different," there was no denying that, "but that does not make you a monster. Many people are different - I am, Sif is-, but you don't call them monsters, do you?" Fenrir shook his head, "Well, there you have it." 

It was obvious Fenrir wanted to believe him, but he was still clinging to lingering doubts, "But it's not the same! You and Lady Sif are still Aesir, and I am..."

"A wolf," he made sure Fenrir was looking at his face when he said it, "you are a wolf. Tell me, since when are wolves considered monsters? Your grandfather has wolves. Now tell me, is Odin Allfather one to surround himself with monsters?" 

"No..." Fenrir still wasn't completely sure, so Loki pushed forward. His son wasn't going to be convinced without having something truly monstrous to compare himself to.

"When parents tell stories to their children, who is it they warn them of?" Loki never told those particular stories, but perhaps he should start. 

Fenrir didn't even have to think about it. Though he hadn't heard those stories from Loki, it was still common enough knowledge who parents used to scare their offspring into behaving, "Frost Giants."

Loki nodded, "Exactly. They are vicious brutes, incapable of feeling. They are horrible creatures, terrifying to behold. They are monsters."

"That means I'm not a monster?" Fenrir sounded relieved, "Because I'm not a Frost Giant? Because I'm none of those things?"

"No, you're not," Loki smiled at his son, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Why are they monstrous?" Fenrir asked in the same tone as when he asked for Loki to tell him a story. 

A hundred different tales came to mind, all of them ones he had heard as a child. He had played them out with Thor and his friends a thousand times, and knew the tales of the terrible Jotun by heart. He arranged the two of them so they were sitting more comfortably. Then, he chose a story and made his young son understand all the reasons that the Frost Giants were monsters. 

l.l.l.l.ll

Centuries later - years after Fenrir had been chained and hours after learning everything he knew was a lie-, Loki sat on the throne of Asgard and all he could think about was that moment. He should have been planning, trying to find a way to turn the war Thor started to his advantage. He should have been thinking about ways to diffuse the situation with the Warriors Three and Sif before they did something incredibly stupid. 

Instead, all Loki could think was, for all these years, he had been calling his children monsters. Jotun really were the monsters parents told their children about, and Loki was one of those parents. He had held up the Jotun as the epitome of all things evil and monstrous to prove to his children that they weren't monsters...and it turned out they were. They all had Jotun blood. He was a monster. They all were. 

Loki felt something bubbling in his chest, a mixture of desperation and revulsion. Denial warred with horror, and it all clawed at his mind. He felt as though the world was spinning wildly out of control, and he couldn't make it right itself. He hated - his parents for lying, his brother for being an arrogant fool and himself for being- , and he felt like he was drowning in it. 

He couldn't be a Frost Giant, because it meant he was enforcing the fact that his children were monsters to them. The one thing he promised them was that they weren't monsters...promised them they couldn't be, because they weren't Frost Giants. 

Bile rose in his throat at the thought of any of them finding out. The shame was unbearable, but if any of his children had to feel what he was feeling, the world would burn. They couldn't know, because he wouldn't let them feel the self loathing he did. He was a monster, but he wouldn't let them find out. He had to eradicate the truth, had to silence it forever. If he smothered the truth of what he was, if he proved himself more than just a beast, then he would not be a monster...and if he wasn't a monster, neither were his children. He could do it. For all of them.


End file.
